Dear General Electric:

Every time I cook for my dad, he reminds me of a design-your-own-dream-home assignment I did in high school. My fantasy home was castle-like, with a writing studio on the top floor and a multi-level library in the turret. (I still love those sliding wooden ladders.)

Dad said, “Where’s the kitchen?”

I said, “When I’m a famous author, I won’t need a kitchen. See, there’s a delivery door here at the back for the catering trucks.”

It turns out that writers still need kitchens. And this writer’s kitchen needs new appliances. My husband is quite impressed by the ice and water dispensers built into some of your company’s new fridges. I was hoping you could make just a few alterations to these designs. After all, I can get water from the tap. If your fridge could dispense milk from one nozzle and grapes, presliced for safe toddler consumption, from the other, now that would be appealing.

Also, I notice your microwave has shortcut buttons for defrosting legs of lamb and such things. I was hoping that instead, you could install a large red button that would flash at six in the morning, so that I could heat a bottle of milk without fully opening my eyes. In fact, my fridge is adjacent to my microwave. Perhaps they could be designed to work in conjunction, pouring and heating the milk automatically?

Finally, the stovetop. If it could be slightly more vertical, if it could speak (preferably in a British accent), and if it wore an apron, then just a tiny portion of my high school dreams would be fulfilled.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
T. Kyi