Bacon makes everything better

It started a couple years ago with the rule: “No potty talk at the table.”

That soon evolved into a game of points. If you accidentally said “butt” at the table, you lost a point. First person to lose ten points had to do ten burpies, bow to all other family members, and say “you are the queen” or “you are the king” as appropriate.

Next, the definition of “potty talk” expanded to include bad words hidden inside other words. “Butterfly,” for example, became a bad word that could cost you a point. (If someone noticed within five seconds. We are nothing if not precise.) It became dangerous to cook chickPEE fritters or meatBALLS. Min lost a point because we tricked him into saying “Michael BublĂ©.”

But now, everything’s easier. Because while enjoying bacon one morning, and discussing how bacon makes everything better, the kids decided that bacon could even improve potty talk. So now, if you accidentally say “S-ASS-katchewan” at the table, you simply say “bacon” and your bacon is saved.

It leads to conversations like this, though:

“I need to buy shamPOO (bacon).”

“BUT (bacon), I thought you picked up some yesterday.”

It’s become difficult to have dinner guests. We might have to start sending out rule manuals in advance. And I’ll have to take ASSparagus (bacon) entirely off the menu.

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