I’ve never been able to swear properly. I tried for a while in early high school, but the words always came out sounding like they were surrounded by parentheses. As in:

“Where are my (f*ing… hmmm… did I use that right? Are my friends looking at me funny? I think they are.) fries?”

Even with practice, I didn’t improve. I certainly never achieved the maestro level of my friend Trent, who could work profanity into the center of most of his words. As in “absa-f*ing-lutely, man.”

The one time I swore while I was stomping away from my mom, she yelled up the stairs after me, “The only F-word I ever want to hear from your mouth is fooey!”

She ruined it for me forever. I can’t help but hear fooey whenever I try to say f**k, and… well… it kills the mood.

But now, now I’m working on a book with a male teen protagonist, and I think he’s going to have to f*ing swear a little. Without any fooey giggle fits messing it up for him.