I came across The Story Board’s list of “Freelance Funnies” this morning, and I’ve been giggling to myself ever since.
In my own list:
1. The time I misused the property of the government office where I was working in order to fax my edits on a newspaper piece. The piece happened to be about female genital mutilation, and — unbeknownst to me — one of the pages didn’t go through. Remember how when a fax failed, the machine would print just the first few lines of the page? Well, those lines weren’t the best ones to have excerpted. The executive director found the partial page, assumed someone was dealing in child porn, and went on a manhunt among the law students in the office. Until I realized, in horror, what she’d found and what she’d thought. I had to ‘fess up. It was rather excruciating.
2. The time a Vancouver Sun photographer came to snap my portrait. He asked if he could shoot me in my studio. (Do people really have studios?) Then he asked if he could take my picture surrounded by my reference books. (Do people really keep their own stock of reference books?) Eventually he snapped me with my baby in the background, and I appeared in the Sun holding my new book, smiling, and appearing to completely ignore the crying child in the bouncy seat.
3. The time I was talking oh-so-professionally on the phone to my publisher when my son started projectile vomiting in the living room. I shouted “got to go!” and hung up on her. I’m pretty sure that’s not in the “how to land a contract” guide book.
The way my life goes, I’ll have more to add to this list very soon.