Help wanted

My son stopped napping this week. Cold turkey. Granted, he’s three and a half. Napping was bound to end eventually. But I was living in sweet denial.

Why am I posting about this on my writing blog? Because nap time is writing time. Two hours of nap x five days per week = ten hours of writing! And preschool doesn’t start until September.

Which leads me to this ad, which I wrote several years ago during my first attempt to achieve some balance between children and writing:

Wanted: part time nanny for girl, three years, and boy, 6 months. Children are angelic, with the exception of an inability to share, a well-developed manipulative streak, and a long history of explosive bodily functions. Some light housework required, such replacing the bathroom cabinets and patching the stain on the living room ceiling, but only while children are sleeping, which they do at the same time for at least 20 minutes per day, guaranteed. Would prefer not to pay, as already feeling quite torn about not contributing to the household economy while spending so much on wine and sedatives. Also, mother raised two children in the backwoods while sewing their clothes and baking fresh bread twice weekly. In-laws value me solely for my ability to bear and raise children. In light of this, would appreciate it if applicant would refer to herself only as a “close family friend” in public. Please mail resumes care of Riverview.

Yup. An updated version of this is definitely going up on Craigslist tomorrow.

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