Kindergarten:
Isn’t this historic building lovely? And the teacher is so sweet. Of course I’ll drive for those field trips. Reading volunteer needed? Sign me up. And I’ll bake for the Halloween Howl and the Christmas Market and the Spring Fling and the Teacher Appreciation Lunch and the Centennial Tea and the International Lunch and the Pancake Breakfast and the Earth Savers Bake Sale. I would LOVE to volunteer for art on Fridays. Oh, here is my hand-knit afghan for the silent auction fundraiser, and do you need a lunch room supervisor on Monday? Because those darlings are so darned-tooting cute when they’re throwing orange slices at me.

Grade Three:
Why did no one tell me about the asbestos? These crazy volunteer hours and all this fundraising… it’s unsustainable. We need to change the system. Please sign me up for the Seismic Committee and the PAC executive. School board meeting on Tuesday? Let’s meet for a drink beforehand, and we’ll call it a date. Oooh… and how about a rally? Because that could be fun AND effective! After that, we’ll launch our petition, our letter-writing campaign, and our crowdfunding. Don’t you just love that Margaret Mead quote?

Grade Seven:
Here’s a buck for tomorrow’s bake sale, kiddo. Now pass your mom her beer.