Not that I have serious readers, thankfully. This is another free writing exercise courtesy of San Diego Momma. The assignment is to write an infomercial for the following product:

If you are overcome by the frequent whines of overheated toddlers, if the constant questions are just too constant, or if your head might burst with one more repetition of “mama,” the White Noise 2000 is for you. Simply flip the switch, grasp the nerve-steadying handles, and let the ultrasonically directed static of obliterating comfort wash over you. The White Noise 2000 allows you to retain line of sight in all directions. You may supervise the children, watch TV, or even work while encompassed in its wave-like comfort. The White Noise 2000: the perfect solution for the cacophony of family life.