If you have a five-year-old boy and a copy of Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants, and if you have a seven-year-old who needs to be picked up at school, you should not go to the school fifteen minutes early with thoughts of reading aloud in the sunshine. Because if there are, hypothetically, kindergarteners in the playground, you will find them gathered around you, giggling maniacally while you say words such as monkeyburger and boogernose. Then, when they are called by their teacher, said hypothetical kindergarteners will run off chanting “boogernose, boogernose.”
This message brought to you by the Department of Uber Mom Blunders (DUMB).
I’m on book six. And here’s why Captain Underpants and I are BFFs:
1. On Tuesday afternoon, I told my five-year-old son he was in charge. We could go ANYWHERE. Do ANYTHING. He chose to cycle to the library. What kind of nerdy kid does that? Well, my kind. And why does he choose this? Captain Underpants.
2. Once there, he went straight to the early readers and pulled out three Captain Underpants titles plus another non-undie book also by Dave Pilkey. Which he found by himself. This is how much the kid loves these books.
3. When I stop reading, he attempts to continue on his own, and there’s really nothing like listening to a five-year-old try to sound out “wedgie.”
4. Captain Underpants is not a Rainbow Magic fairy. And in a choice between Talking Toilets and Tia the Tulip Fairy, I’ll take toilets any day. Thank God I didn’t have two girls.