With December just around the corner, there are all sorts of gift-giving guides popping up, including these great lists of how to pair a book with a product in order to create the perfect Christmas package.

I thought, why not do the same for my books? But it didn’t go as well as I hoped. Here’s a sample:

• Pair 50 Poisonous Questions with a nice sprig of nightshade.
• Pair 50 Burning Questions with a match and a bottle of lighter fluid.
• Pair 50 Underwear Questions with a banana hammock.
• Pair Seeing Red: The True Story of Blood with a hypodermic needle.

You see the problem?

You’ll just have a give my books all by themselves, no props included.