Do you ever sit down to write and then find yourself, five minutes later, standing in the middle of your kitchen, eating chocolate chips out of the package?

Yeah, me neither.

A few years ago, Min went through a bear phase. He read all sorts of books about how to deal with potential bear attacks while trekking around the wilderness.

Remember what I said about consecutive grant deadlines, and how I might be able to write an entire novel if only there were enough grant proposals, at appropriate intervals? Well, it turns out that the Canada Council proposal, due two weeks after the B.C. Arts Council proposal, requires an additional 10 pages.

I should be careful what I wish for.

• Note to peer review committee: this blog post in no way implies that I have not been locked in an attic diligently working on these 30 pages for months, in poverty and obscurity.
• Note to publisher: this blog post in no way implies that I am not dedicating all of my time to researching my current non-fiction project.
• Note to husband: this blog post in no way implies I’m not still typing your article references. And making you a title page. Yeesh.

I’ve been squirreling away at a grant application for the B.C. Arts Council. These grant applications always require 20 pages of sample text, which is good motivation. If there were a deadline every two weeks, all year, then I’d end up with a novel written and no grant would be required.

The 20 sample pages are the easy part, though. And usually, I have an up-to-date resume and bibliography on file. So the only difficult requirement is the two-page synopsis.

If I were a computer whiz, I’d develop a program especially for writing these. You could plug in the names, strengths, and weaknesses of your characters, fill in the blanks for a few major plot developments, and out would come a synopsis that made your project sound fresh, edgy, and enlightened, all at the same time.

Alas, there’s no program. So back I go to attempt to perfect a summary of a book that doesn’t yet exist…

Wish me luck!

In the last two days…

Hours spent blackberry picking: 4
Bags of blackberries frozen: 2
Blackberry cakes baked: 1
Fruit crisps frozen: 1
Jars of peaches preserved: 7
Bags of peach slices dried: 2
Hours spent writing: 2

Don’t tell the publisher.

I went school supply shopping today, ostensibly for my daughter, and bought myself a lovely, pristine new notebook.

I don’t know why I even bother writing in the second half of notebooks (except, okay, maybe to save a rainforest or something). Everyone knows the first half of a notebook is way better.

If one is an accomplished typist, it is better to intentionally slow one’s speed when being observed by friends or family members.

If one fails to do this, one may be asked to spend several hours inputting references to obscure occupational therapy articles, such as “Using the Coefficient of Variation to Detect Sincerity of Effort of Grip Strength: A Literature Review” and “Test-Retest Reliability of Lifting and Carrying in a 2-day Functional Capacity Evaluation.”

One may begin to wonder who, if anyone, edits these titles. Later, one may strain to remember one’s own name and address. Later still, one may find oneself only able to write using indefinite pronouns.

Consider one’s self warned.

Illustrator and funny man extraordinaire Ross Kinnaird has been working on the illustrations for 50 Burning Questions. I have yet to figure out if Ross lives in New Zealand or the U.S., but apparently, funny stuff transcends borders. And this guy is funny.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to post a sneak-peak of the illustrations here, but you can see Ross’s style on his website.

I was away in the Shuswap all last week, and did absolutely no reading or writing. So, I have nothing to post here except two pictures of the Kyi family on a much-needed rest break.

Happy summer!

If you were a baked good, what kind would you be? You can head on over to Rachelle Delaney’s blog to post your answer…